Finding the erotic in male softness

It’s time to accept erectile difference and celebrate what’s erotic about soft male genitalia. About half of all men over 50, and most men treated for prostate cancer, experience some form of erectile dysfunction (ED). But for millions of affected men and their partners, these body changes are a source of shame, disappointment and distancing. Soft male genitalia can and often do make love grow cold.

But it doesn’t have to be so. It is time to flip the shame and learn what love and pleasure is possible with our new bodies.

This week is being celebrated as the bluntly-named third annual Soft Cock Week. I was so inspired by the fresh perspectives I gained from the event in 2022 and 2023 that I was moved to contribute again this year in a video that was published just a few days ago. Inevitably such matters are not for the squeamish. If you are curious, please read on for some key points, and/or watch the full 2024 podcast.

Crossing a threshold to body acceptance

The host of the podcast, Erica Leroye, makes the point that in our world, “men are expected to be hard in lots of ways.” Yet in truth, in spite of all the bluster, a man’s body remains vulnerable to injury, to shame, to violence and to all kinds of emotional abuse. In this podcast we call for more acceptance of male vulnerability in body as well as emotion.

There is a new softness arriving in many men’s bodies. This might be supported by trends towards less binary gendering. Softness may come with age and experience or prostate cancer treatment, or any combination of these factors. We explore how acceptance of these body changes invites men and their partners into a wider world of rich experience beyond one-dimensional sexuality, and beyond mechanistic porn into deeply satisfying lovemaking. I ask the question:

Some sex is so exciting that even the mechanical facts [as recorded by porn] are exciting. What if we brought our full imagination and our whole bodies back into the art of lovemaking”

Softness takes us beyond one-dimensional sex

In this conversation we avoid the popular and medical “fix my dick” paradigm that also drove the naming of this blog “Recovering Man.” Instead we explore how to make a virtue of necessity when your penis is soft where it used to be hard. It turns out that a soft penis can still be a thing of joy and beauty. Extraordinary pleasure and fun can be had when letting go of one-dimensional sex.

Personally, after nearly 5 years of working at this acceptance, I am overjoyed at the rewards in my sex life and general satisfaction with life.

To even consider a soft penis erotic, both the penis owner and their partner have to get beyond the mesmerising effects of conventional lustful hard-thrusting sex. Make no mistake: hard penises can be a ton of fun for their owners and for willing partners! Without knocking this option, we note how people can ultimately be limited by genital-focused and hard-driving sex.

My experience is that the softening of my erections has opened me and my partner up to much more full body experience. With less genital focus we feel more.

Inviting a new soft cock erotica

Society has trained everybody to appreciate the power and beauty of voluptuous female curves. Well guess what? There is a quiet power, and a potent promise, in the curve of a soft penis. There’s pleasure in the slap of a thick heavy soft cock against a thigh. With new skills, men and their partners can experience exquisite soft-penis delight.

Yet conventional erotica and porn never go there. Men are always hard in porn, and online searches for soft cock erotica seldom turn up more than “humiliation porn” that eroticise the shaming of softness in men. In the video I share my experiences searching for and co-creating a new soft cock erotica. And we invite people to a free live online sharing session for this new erotic genre on Saturday November 16th.

Erotic connections beyond the mechanics of sex

Cup any beloved body part (your own or your partner’s) in the palm of your hand, and don’t move. Slow down, breathe into the connection and feel the energy flow. Discover the deeper connections and the exchange of energy. These deeper connections and energy flows are always present during sexual activity. But sometimes we get so caught up in the genital intensity that we miss the reverberations of heart and mind, body and soul. If we don’t slow down, we miss the way our love soars into the sky and settles deep into the earth.

Here is the full podcast for more inspiration: