Prostate cancer recovery experiences
Experiences along the bumpy road to recovery from prostate cancer and its treatment. This includes my story in chronological order, and invites other men’s stories to be added.
Guest diary: Searing changes after prostate cancer
By Phoenix Rising
[Editor’s note: One man’s story of physical, emotional and spiritual changes, losses and opportunities after prostate cancer treatment. Big thanks to the reader who shared just one month of his anonymous diary in all its searing honesty, searching and opening after his radical prostatectomy.]
May 1st, 2022
My surgery was fine. It has only been 13 days. I don’t how to relate to my body now. I can feel the missing parts. The surgery feels like a necessary rape. I am afraid to touch myself down there. When I do, I feel feminine – or different. I don’t know quite […]
Guest post “can’t believe how well I feel despite no testosterone”
By John
It’s 9 months since my orchiectomy in June 2022. So far I haven’t had any reason to think that I made the wrong choice. I can’t believe how well I feel despite no testosterone. For me the only side effect that is pretty much consistent between physical or chemical castration is the hot flashes. They are still an inconvenience but you start to develop mechanisms to manage them.
Wellness after orchiectomy looks like this for me…
Staying fit, not putting on weight
My fitness level has remained good and I haven’t found it a burden to exercise regularly. Typically I aim […]
Day 951: Mini-peaks, alternatives to full orgasm
5 October 2022: Orgasms can get more elusive after prostate cancer treatment – or simply with aging. It’s sometimes called by the fancy name anorgasmia. Prostate cancer support forums carry anguished laments from both partners about survivors not being able to “finish” the way they did before. This post is about exploring alternatives to full orgasm – I call these “mini-peaks.” Or if you like, how to finish and be satisfied without “finishing.”
Sadly, the research literature I have been able to find is sharply focused on the medical-technical aspects of these challenges. Here goes with a more […]
Guest post: Yearning for sex
By Anonymous
I was 60 years old when diagnosed with prostate cancer and got radiotherapy treatment for 37 days and hormone suppression treatment (ADT) for 3 years. It felt like I was in a dream and that I was looking at myself and yet not recognising myself. It wasn’t me that had the cancer, it was somebody else.
Sexless relationship – and best friends
Before my treatment, my partner and I had been in a sexless relationship for some while. It was always easier to masturbate than go through the performance of trying to have sex with her. It had become too […]
Guest post 1: Cancer runs in my family
By Tim Flood
I am 60 years old. A very fit, healthy, non-smoking vegetarian. My father had prostate cancer and was treated by radiotherapy 13 years ago. He is cancer free. My younger brother also has prostate cancer. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2019. I suppose prostate cancer runs in my family.
Emotionally, I dealt with this diagnosis very well although when the consultant explained the side effects, I almost passed out – the only time that has ever happened. I guess there must have been an unconscious fear about losing my sexual potency. At the time, I was in […]
Guest post 2: Sexual inventiveness with ED and new partner
By Tim Flood
I was lucky enough to fall in love and start a new relationship soon after my prostate cancer treatment. However, our first sexual encounter was a disaster. I could not achieve an erection. I was distraught. Devastated. Clearly, she really liked sex and I felt that I was not going to be able to meet her desires.
I thought that this was going to be a very brief liaison.
New body, new talk
However, later in the night we started to talk. We have talked ever since.
So, from the beginning, it was clear to me that I needed to be […]
Manta vibrator for penile rehab and pleasure
Where many vibrators buzz like a mosquito, the Manta rumbles like a V8 engine. Here are some practical tips on using the Manta vibrator for penile rehabilitation as well as for pleasure. It also works surprisingly well with a partner.
I bought my Manta three years ago as a support for penile rehabilitation after prostate cancer treatment. I still use it for both gentle therapeutic healing vibrations and for sex play.
Using the Manta vibrator for penile rehabilitation
Here’s a helpful and pleasant routine to encourage blood flow to the area after prostate cancer treatment. Place the body of the […]
Recovering kundalini yoga after prostatectomy
When I first tried returning to yoga after prostatectomy, it was difficult. After the surgery, I was very conscious of having that empty space at my root chakra – where the prostate used to be. And when I tried to shift energy up my spine, I found myself leaking urine. I was at my wits’ end and couldn’t find a yoga teacher who had been through prostate cancer who could guide me.
Here’s how my yoga practice has recovered over the last three years since my surgery.
My wife and I have been doing the same spinal flex yoga from the Kundalini […]
Partner Diary 1: early days after cystoprostatectomy
By Catherine
I’m a 59 year old French woman Professor of Medicine. My husband, who is 12 years older than me, had a cystoprostatectomy on 12 August 2022 due to (initially misdiagnosed) bladder cancer. The operation was on the 40th anniversary of our meeting – somewhat cruel for both of us. However, we are lucky that all the cancer seems to have been removed. Here are some entries from my diary as we have grappled with the challenges as a couple during the month before and after his surgery.
Urologist avoiding direct conversation about sexual side effects
Before the surgery, […]
Partner diary 2: searching for support
By Catherine
8 December 2022: I want to contribute to support my partner after his cytoprostatectomy. It’s nearly 4 months since his surgery, and we still can’t have sex the way we used to. Here are some of the conversations, experiments and support we have shared. My husband and I are both medical doctors in France. For more about the background, please read my first post.
Sharing responsibility for sexual relationship
Yesterday evening my husband and I had a serious discussion. We were in bed and my husband kissed me, and after a moment I noticed that he checked if something happens […]
Partner diary 3: like teenagers all over again
By Catherine
13 February 2023: At ages 59 and 71 respectively, we are like teenagers who discover sexuality. As a partner, I want to share what has helped in my husband’s ED recovery. Indeed, today, 6 months to the day after his cystoprostatectomy we have lived an extraordinary adventure. With an administration of Vitaros and the use of a cock ring (thanks for the advice) we had this afternoon the first intercourse with penetration and orgasm at the same time !!!!!
What it takes for a couple to recover their sex life after prostate surgery
Quite soon after surgery (12th […]
Day 1242: The new normal after prostate cancer
Honestly, my major concern has been recovering erectile function after prostate cancer. Now, at three and a half years after my radical prostatectomy, I am about ready to celebrate some successes and declare “enough” of struggling to get back what I lost when my prostate was removed.
After all, I am 65 now and can’t go back to being 60, or 40 or 20. And my body is irrevocably different. The challenge is to figure out where the heroic struggle to recover (purple in the diagram) meets the longer arc of aging (green in the diagram). And it would be a […]
Partner diary 4: softish connection, afternoon delight
By Catherine
16 April 2023: Soft penetration allows us to return to our regular afternoon delights. Eight months after my husband’s cytoprostatectomy, we are able to reconnect sexually without fussing too much about how hard his erections are. Here are some more notes on his ongoing recovery and how it has been recently for us in our relationship.
Nocturnal erections showing hope
The good news is that my husband has now regular nighttime erections, sometimes quite strong. But… when he has these erections, he loses drops of urine. This upsets him, but he hopes it will return to normal.
An ancient remedy for penile […]
Guest post: ADT and psychosexual therapy
By Tony Collier
Having told me I’d be starting on Androgen Deprivation Therapy (ADT), my oncologist went on to say “Regrettably, once you start on ADT you’ll be unable to gain an erection. But it may not matter much, as you won’t have a libido either!”
Being told that you have cancer is devastating. Being told that the cancer is incurable is indescribable. Your brain immediately scrambles and you become unable to think rationally at a time when in fact you need utmost clarity to take in what you are being told. It’s at times like this that having your other half […]
Partner Diary 5: how extended lovemaking combats ED
By Catherine in France
May 30, 2023: I have some good news. The last few weeks my husband has been getting larger swelling in his penis, but rigidity was not quite OK. Here’s how extended lovemaking has combated ED for us. We are now just over 9.5 months since his cysto-prostatectomy on 12th August 2022. Collaborating on maintaining arousal has also enabled improvements beyond what drugs could achieve alone.
He took daily 5 mg tadalafil (generic Cialis) since the catheter was removed, but has unpleasant reflux. Therefore the urologist proposed sildenafil (generic Viagra) one month ago. With 100 mg it was […]
Day 1325: Discovering new full body orgasms
October 14, 2023: Today I felt us making love together with a wholeness that has been elusive, and often absent from my experience, for nearly four years. Today went way beyond genital connection – our whole bodies were intertwining well beyond the physical. Our hearts connecting deeply, our souls dancing together in wonder and joy. And while neither of us had “conventional” pulsing orgasms, I am convinced that my experience was a new kind of full body orgasm without the rhythmic pulses that used to generate ejaculation.
Of course after prostatectomy there is no literal ejaculate. But (sometimes) I can still […]
My favourite cock ring
My new favourite cock ring
Here’s what I like about my new favourite cock ring from Firmtech. It is an exceptionally smart and comfortable design, using wonderfully soft, squishy comfortable material called elastomer. And it has a very clever “wrap and hook” loop design which is super easy to get on and off without doing your private parts any damage. Read on if you are wondering how the image featured above could find its way into your sex life.
Get my new book about sexual pleasure and intimacy with erectile […]
How cardiovascular research led to innovative erection support
The Firmtech erection support device was born out of a medical research need married to innovative design thinking. Dr Elliot Justin was originally called in by a Utah urologist and medical researcher. He was asked to create a wearable device to gather research data on the unconscious erections men get while sleeping. The new data was intended to provide medical research insights into cardiovascular health. It turns out that the frequency and firmness of these spontaneous natural body maintenance erections in men provide excellent leading indicators for potential cardiovascular problems.
But to get men to voluntarily wear a data-logging device on […]
Wearable erection tracker with uncannily accurate app
Posted Jan 20 and updated Nov 7, 2024: I’m amazed at this new wearable erection tracker app. The wearable part supports, prolongs and strengthens erections the best I have ever experienced. And the tracker app logs erection strength, frequency and duration with uncanny accuracy and sensitivity.
The wearable sensor is remarkably effective at gathering data about spontaneous erections while you sleep without being uncomfortable or intrusive. This is particularly important for health purposes including during recovery from prostate cancer treatment. It can also gather detailed erectile firmness data during sex. Later, you can download the data to your phone to review […]
Guest Post 2: Re-imagining penetration
By Wayne May
When we make love, speak, share, dance, write or create – don’t we want to penetrate or be penetrated? What if it could be in a different way? Perhaps some of us who have lost our ability to penetrate sexually with our erections can benefit from expanding our imagination. I have done so. This is an invitation to open your heart, mind and spirit to a wider sense of penetration. For example:
The sun and air penetrate us lovingly.
Penetrate another with your smile!
Some dictionary definitions of the word penetrate:
- placed or gone into
- to be fully understood or […]
Diagnosis and treatment
You are welcome to visit these pages to read more about how I found out I had prostate cancer and prostate cancer treatment – radical prostatectomy surgery experience itself. These posts include my own story, other men’s stories, and my wife’s commentary.