Live online conversation about sex beyond erections

People thrive on sensual pleasure. Erectile differences often feel like a block to sensual and sexual satisfaction, but they don’t need to be. I have personal experience of this and I have talked to hundreds of others who are finding joy and satisfaction beyond erections. For most of us, however, it takes time and a lot of experimentation to get past our original hard-wiring.

It’s a year since my book Beyond Erections was published. Conversations about erectile differences are still awkward, but valuable. So I’m organizing a live online conversation on Monday June 1st. While I mostly deal with this topic on the separate Beyond Erections website, this post is to reach out to Recovering Man readers who might be interested.

Why talk about erectile differences?

These conversations are important – for prostate cancer survivors and many others of all ages. Millions of penis owners and their partners are in some kind of private hell because the penis in their lives doesn’t meet the phallocratic norms of this world. And most are stuck behind a wall of frustration and maybe shame. Behind this wall of frustration it is hard to imagine exploring loving sensual connection without that penis standing up. All around the world, it is more difficult to talk freely about erectile differences than most other “differently able” body non-conformity.

The truth I see is that the sex lives of a very large number of people include a penis in some way. For a myriad of reasons these penises are not always hard, even in sexual situations. The current reality for most penis owners is to be ashamed of erectile differences. We often isolate ourselves from sexual opportunities or are teased for “not getting it up.”

This is simply stultifying to all the millions and millions of people of different ages, genders and sexual orientations who encounter softness in their own or their partner’s penis in sexual situations.

In person book launch included and went beyond prostate cancer survivors

Readers from their 20s to their 70s, of all genders and sexual orientations, showed up at my first in-person book launch last month in Toronto. Their energy started a remarkable intergenerational conversation about sex with erectile differences. It was amazing and the conversation must go on.

I’m grateful to Come As You Are for hosting the launch. As you can see from the image above, I was not short of props to do technique demos from the chapter on Pleasure. The store has been a sex-positive mecca in Toronto for 29 years and offers an exceptionally wide range of books and toys and events.

Erectile differences across the ages and genders

In the conversation at the launch of Beyond Erections, many experiences and alternatives emerged. There was a man in his 70s who’s taking female hormones as an alternative form of ADT to ward off Stage 4 prostate cancer. There were people exploring ways that hardness and intensity in sex need not come from erections. And there was a young trans woman whose hormone treatment renders her penis soft. She finds that even in queer circles, conventional hard cock expectations persist. Potential lovers believe that whatever looks like a cock should always be hard in sexual situations.

Towards a post-Viagra generation: continuing the conversation online on June 1st

The conversation at the launch was so rich, that I want to make it available to global participation, live and on Zoom. There is a big need for alternatives to the iron rule of hard cocks – for their owners, for their partners and in public imagination.

So I will be hosting an online conversation about sexual pleasure in changing bodies, including tips from my book. It will happen, live and interactive, on Monday June 1st, at 12 noon Eastern time. That’s 6 pm in Western Europe and Africa. To maximize accessibility while supporting the work involved, it will be a “pay what you can” event. Please join us for an hour of rich exploration of the world of possibilities that opens up when we are able to discuss the undiscussable.

Related posts

More about erectile differences on Recovering Man website