Guest Post: Partnership for rehab after penile implant

By CJ

We have always had a very active sex life and cancer was not going to stop us from our fun. Cancer has affected us both, breast cancer for me and prostate cancer for him.

We were both 45 years old when we were given our diagnosis. There were many stages to our recoveries, both from our cancers and from the impact on our sexual experiences. In this post I’m going to share what it was like for me, as his partner, both personally and sexually. I will focus in particular on how we collaborated for sexual rehab after he received a penile implant.

Trying penile pumps and injections

His erections and orgasms changed drastically throughout our journey.

After his radical prostatectomy, he struggled to keep erections for intercourse. I could see and feel how frustrating it was for him. It was also confusing for me. Previously his ejaculation was an easy way for me to know when he had an orgasm. There was no “cum” and the feeling of an orgasm was challenging for him to experience – or at least not that I could really identify.

He was using a pump [vacuum erectile device (VED)] to help keep the blood flowing to the penis regularly during his recovery. I assumed it must be fun for him, sexually speaking, to get a full sized erection. That led to a big fight between us and I learned that he didn’t enjoy using the pump at all. In fact, it often hurt and he was using it for medical rehabilitation and not for sexual pleasure at all. Learning about his feelings and recovery was something we did together.

Then we tried the prescription shots [trimix intracavernosal injections] for erections for the fun of sex to return in our lives. This was an option for a short while and not ideal. We didn’t like having to schedule sex because this prescription allowed it to be used only once every 72 hours. His dosage kept decreasing and his body did not take to this medication. It actually caused a really bad reaction, with him ending up in the ER.

Painful start with penile implant

After trying all these other options, he got a penile implant. He was given physical therapy rehab orders and both of us were curious what that was like. The first exercise was to pump up the device once a day and increase the time each week. The second exercise was to have intercourse to get his body accustomed to the implant. We both thought, we are on board with this sexual rehab exercise!

At first, sex with the implant was really painful for him. When he pumped up the implant and we had intercourse, the base of the shaft hit nerves deep in his pelvis that hurt. The doctors said he needed to keep practicing until his body got accustomed to the new device.

I’d get on top and this was really uncomfortable for him. I felt awful because I knew this was more than uncomfortable, it was causing him pain. But we really wanted to get back to having fun sex with each other. So we “exercised” often, doctor’s orders!

There was no other way for him to get this physical therapy and I was happy to participate. It took many months to work through that painful process.

Implant at last bringing pleasure to us both

After a few months, his body became fully accustomed to the implant and we got back to enjoying each other sexually. It is wonderful now! He (or I) can just squeeze the pump to inflate the penis. He can do this one-handed, so he can get hard while I am giving him a blowjob.

Today as I write this, it’s been more than six months since his last ADT treatment. His hormones are returning and that brings smiles to both of our faces. Here’s an example. The other day we were both in the kitchen and I was wearing leggings. I bent over to get something out of a cabinet and he was mid-sentence. He stopped speaking and said “Your ass looks so amazing in those. Now that I lost my thought, what were we talking about?”.

It feels good to know that my body is able to distract him again. During the ADT treatment he had zero libido.

Now when he is turned on, we have noticed that the tip of his penis (the part not filled by the implant) gets much firmer. He also says he is getting more pleasurable sensation now that his arousal is building up more. He has been able to achieve the sensation of a full body orgasm today and I love making him squirm!

Getting on with what we have

It has been difficult going through all these challenges. We have both lost a lot. But we both say:

Well this is what we have now. Both of us have bodies rebuilt through cancer. We are proud of that and we make love with what we have.

It has been a long journey for both of us. After partnering around sexual rehab with his implant and my breast reconstruction, there have been further challenges – and more joyful sex. Watch out for my next post.