9 months: a masterclass in softer pleasures

25 November 2020: It’s so good to get help with unavoidable sexual changes after prostate cancer.  My wife and I love each other as much as ever, but the way we make love has to change as a result of my erectile dysfunction. It’s difficult and confusing in the most intimate of ways. And it definitely affects us both. It’s 9 months since my radical prostatectomy and my wife and I are still trying to figure out how to behave with the floppy sausage between my legs that used to be hard.

Here’s how we got some affordable external help in the form of a simple, direct and inspiring video-based masterclass. The class features the brilliant Tess Deveze. She brings all her professional skills and experience as an Occupational Therapist and Sexuality Clinician – as well as her own cancer survival experience. From this base she guides us into new ways of giving and receiving love without erections.

Practical training with a sparkle

Practically, Tess taught us a whole lot of ways to have fun with that floppy part of me which used to so easily get hard. What really mattered most to us was her sparkly style. She has a wonderful light air while discussing intimate things, and an infectious delight in any and all bodily pleasure, backed by a deeper mindfulness.

What we got in the package was

• a short introductory video with excellent guidelines to help us prepare for our adventure
• a longer instructional guide with huge amounts of detail – a real “how-to” guide
• excellent downloadable supporting materials from a bedroom-handy “cheat sheet” to a musical playlist to accompany the new forms of pleasure.

Read on for more about how this training helped my recovery and us as a couple, and find out how to get it for yourself (alone or with a partner).

Pleasure masterclass in spite of erectile dysfunction

The two big lessons that earn it the name “masterclass” are:

• As a man, learning how to lay back and enjoy receiving pleasure. For me at least, all my original sex education was about paying attention to my partner’s pleasure. And my own male body was more than ready to come to the party whenever it was invited. In fact, when I was young, I was often too quick in sexual situations. Now, after prostate cancer, the truth is that my body needs a lot of attention and I can’t always be in the initiator role.
• Learning that there is plenty of pleasure and even orgasms for men without erections. My wife and I had already figured out quite a lot about erectionless sex. But this programme brought new information and new energy to us. For a start, it’s full of practical techniques, hilariously and lovingly described and illustrated by Tess.

I found these lessons much more difficult to take on board than I would have expected. It also takes both of us in the partnership to adapt. I am grateful for the help the masterclass gave. And here is a clear, succinct woman’s perspective on why soft penises are underrated.

Permission to play – and for me to receive

But the most important thing it did for us was to give us permission to play with my new body. Something about Tess’s smile, her light and open style, unlocked doors for us we didn’t even know existed.

And where she found such a lifelike floppy penis demo model, I don’t know – but holding it up loud and proud and full of kindness in the video did a lot to heal my male ED shame issues.

Video review: the essence of sexual changes after prostate cancer

Here’s my one minute review, recorded the day after we had our first mind-blowing practical session of giving and receiving pleasure following the lessons learned in our masterclass.

How to get the Soft Penis Pleasure Masterclass online

Click the following (updated in 2023) link to get access to the Soft Penis Pleasure Masterclass

Background note: I first met Tess and encountered this valuable resource in 2020 through Victoria Cullen at ATouchySubject.com. The above link has since been updated because in 2022 the video’s home was transferred to Tess’s Connectable Therapies website.

The bottom line on soft penis pleasure

Tess’s masterclass has been an important help to me and my wife as we get to know my new body. While the course also supports greater inventiveness in solo play, its biggest strength is in supporting and encouraging couples to play and laugh together in new ways.

It helped us be intimate and sexual without trying to go back to the way things were before cancer.

 

[Editor’s note: See the resources section for links to other training programmes. Also, here’s a review of Tess’s much more extensive and wide ranging Connection and Cancer course]