Both diagnosed with cancer aged 45 but treated differently

CJ and JL are a creative, joyful loving couple who have been whacked by cancer. Husband JL was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 45, on the 25th anniversary of his marriage to CJ. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 45th year. In spite of these astonishing parallels and similarities, their experiences in the healthcare system were very different. This post compares and contrasts their treatment pathways. In many parts of the world, cancer treatment is different for men and women – beyond the natural medical differences.

When I met them in October, 2024 I was deeply moved by their positive energy in spite of all that has happened in their lives. The pathway to publishing this post has been bumpy as each treatment has had huge impact on them both.

“Red carpet” rolled out for her …

From her first diagnosis of breast cancer, CJ found it easy to share her situation with friends. She got solid and generous support from them and the medical staff she saw. At the hospital, she was immediately allocated a nurse coordinator to help her get all the care she needed from different sources in the healthcare system. The nurse would coordinate appointments and be the liaison for CJ to help ease her journey.

“It felt like they rolled out the red carpet for me, as soon as I was diagnosed with breast cancer” said CJ.

… while he was left on his own with his prostate cancer diagnosis

In contrast to his wife’s experience, when JL was diagnosed with prostate cancer he found no support group. He wasn’t assigned a nurse coordinator and felt really alone. When he tried to tell people about his health situation and the impact on his sexual function, he was told “it is offensive to share such personal details.”

Friends expect him to be fine, express real concern for her

Socially, things were also very different. When friends hear about her cancer, CJ says “they tend to ask with real concern ‘are you OK, is there anything you need? How can I help you?’ ” When he mentions his prostate cancer to others, JL finds people saying to him “you’re fine now, aren’t you.”

How their cancer pathways turned

After JL’s diagnosis of prostate cancer in 2020, he had radical prostatectomy surgery. This was followed by 35 rounds of external beam radiation treatment. However his PSA came back with a vengeance in 2022. He had an additional two years of androgen deprivation treatment (ADT) and also more radiation. In spite of all this he found the energy to go for penile implant surgery in August 2023.

After CJ’s diagnosis of breast cancer in 2023, she didn’t need long to decide that a double mastectomy was the best option for her. The tumor measured smaller than its initial measurement at the time of the biopsy. This meant there was no need for radiation, chemo or hormone therapy. Her surgery was only weeks after JL finished his second round of radiation. Nonetheless she was able to get the support she needed from her husband during this part of her journey. She also received physical therapy to work through the pain, lymph node massage and exercises. Her husband JL had no physical therapy.

Look out for a follow up post on the ways this couple have adapted and recreated a new and positive sex life in their new bodies. As CJ says “both of us have bodies (re)built by cancer and we make the best with what we now have got.”